Chances are, this adorable little creature wants to kill you. For a lot of reasons.

Most notably, for the frivolous earthy habits that are destroying his comfy home in the Arctic.

Sure, I mean life is all well and good when you're hanging in a basket in the German Zoo and all, but this little guy's brederens in Alaska are probably pissed.

In 2005, scientists found evidence for the first time that polar bears were drowning due to the recession of the Arctic ice shelf. This, of course, is a symptom of global warming. Four carcasses, just like our friend (above) were found floating in one area off the north coast of Alaska.

Polar bears rely on ice year round as a platform on which to raise their young and hunt food. They typically eat one seal every 4 or 5 days.These mother fuckers can consume up to 100 pounds of blubber in one sitting. Wowza ! (and you thought your all you can eat sushi skills were impressive ...) As the ice retreats naturally in the summer, the bears travel between ice floes to continue hunting in areas such as the shallow water of the continential shelf off the Alaskan coast, where there are lots of seals.

In 2005, the ice cap receded about 200 miles further than usual, forcing the bears to undertake way longer voyages. Short swims are a peice of cake for these large furry masters of travel. But one or two of them might have to swim up to 100 miles, (thanks to the fact that my father can't seem to live without an SUV.)

So people say Al Gore lied about this shit ... which I disagree with. Ale Gore is the man and I refuse to believe he would fuck around like that. (Did you see the part in "An Inconvinient Truth" where he is pensively staring out at Goerge Bushes screaming fans with a look on his face like - "you silly mother fuckers, you just made the mistake of your lives and now I'm going to play hard to get FOREVER" ) Arctic ice shelves are melting due to global warming and they won't be back, because they contain unique ecosystems that took a really long time to form.

....(Someone has to tell this little guy to deal with it.)