"We have an interval, and then our place knows us no more. Some spend this interval in listelessness, some in high passions, the wisest, at least among the children of this world, in art and song. For our one chance lies in expanding this interval, in getting as many pulsations as possible into the given time. Great passions may give us this quickened sense of life, ecstasy and sorrow of love, the various forms of enthusiastic activity, disinterested or otherwise, which come naturally to many of us. Only be sure it is passion - that it does yield you this fruit of a quickened, multiplied consciousness. Art comes to you proposing frankly to give nothing but the highest quality to your moments as they pass, and simply for those moments sake"

-Victor Hugo

Mill Street Pilsner is the nectar of the Gods !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Four dairy farmers from different regions selected four different chefs to participate in a grilled cheese throwdown. There was one stipulation - they had to use cows milk Canadian cheese. And it had to be really wack and creative.

The chefs threw in some crazy shit. Like olive tapenade, curried brie, pear and mango chutney, Chinese duck ...

Which is all well and good I mean but like, why fuck with a good thing? A simple grilled cheese sandwich is probably the most nostalgic childhood snack for everyone. It was MADE for kids. Throw some ketchup on there and thats as funky as it should get. I'm no conservative lame-o when it comes to crazy sandwiches or anything, but a grilled cheese should be simply that - grilled bread and cheese, mang!

The spokesman for this whole thing says “it was very important to demonstrate that with some imagination and everyday, ordinary, familiar cheese, you can really accomplish wonderful creations, but the important thing is not to overpower the cheese with all of the other ingredients.”

True that.

A dude from Nova Scotia won. There was havarti, roasted red pepper, arugula and proscuitto involved. I say take your proscuitto, Michael Howell, and put it where it belongs - wrapped around some melon.

My favourite female celebrities inspired by mens style.

... because androgny is an endless source of fascination for everyone, especially when it comes to fashion. It's also pretty fucking sexy. Here are some rad females who do it, and do it well.

Demi Moore

A 1992 cover of Vanity Fair, what came to be known as the most popular example of modern body painting. The previous year, she was shot on the cover pregnant, and naked. Everyone was pissed. What a homegirl.

Cindy Lauper


What a moody bitch - I love this bowler hat. She's been a gay icon since the 80's, when she released an album called "She's so unusual". Now, she hangs out with Lady Gaga and saves the world via Viva Glam lipstick.

Patti Smith

I picture Patti Smith sitting on the beach in New York drinking out of a paper bag kicking sand in the faces of bikini claad bitches with her doc martins. She was a punk rock luminary in the 70's, and still is today. And she's every bit as beautiful at 63 as she was at 30.

Ellen Page

This 23 year old girl is talented as hell and really fucking cute. The best part is that she doesn't feel the need to show everyone her tits. I love how her style is sort of endearing and boyish.

Tegan and Sara

Every dude I know has a hard on for these girls. And rightly so.

Joan Jett

Like Patti, Joan Jett is one of those rock stars who sort of transcends gender. Her style is so effortlessly badass such that I imagine a lot of men probably would slay dragons to bang her. I also imagine her vagina probably has a sharp set of teeth.

Debbie Harry

I thought of Debbie Harry's style and instantly my mind wandered to the notorious stage shot of her wearing that too short t-shirt with a totally exposed vagina. Enough said.

Lady Gaga

I couldn't resist. Gay men love her, women want to have sex with her too probably, (I know I sure do.) Lady Gaga has created an entirely new way of self presentation. Here, she looks like one of the village people. This outfit is like something you would see on Church street at one of the clubs called Sailor. On that note, if you haven't seen her alter ego, Jo Calderone, feast your eyes on this, pussyhounds!

San Francisco !!! !!! !!! ! ! ! !!!!!!

This bar had DIY caesars. Artichokes, olives, sriracha, oh my ! American bars are so much sweeter than Canadian bars for these reasons:
a) They pretty much all have crazy specials that Canadian bars lack. Like happy hour specials between 5 - 7 or whatever, in which no one will judge you for getting wasted in the late afternoon. They encourage it.
b) Menu`s are bigger and way more intricate. Those of you out there who know me well know I appreciate creative pub fare - and Americans deliver in this department to be SHO!
c) You can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want including make your own personalized caesar like at this extensive caesar buffet like spread in this highly evolved establishment.

These things are underrated in the tourism industry. A dying art, even.


Some of the creepy / amazing specimens from the vintage arcade at Peir 39. They sang and danced (like angels) for a quarter. Where else can you get THAT, toronto !!!

Sourdough sea turtles at the Boudin Bakery! Apparently San Francisco is famous for its sourdough. I sort of gathered this after happening upon several specialty bakeries that took artisanal breads to a seriously outrageous level, as you can see above. Then Google confirmed it. Anyway, this bakery has used the same recipe since 1849, and continues to morph delicious bread into crabs and other aquatic creatures and stuff. They give you hollowed out bread bowls filled with chowder at the Wharf. Tim Hortons ain`t got shit.

Sea lions are rad. And quite combative and territorial, as I learned as I stood watching them for probably half an hour. Hypnotic and celestial creatures, they are.

I look most doting in this photo.


The Mission district has mad murals son! Diego Rivera thangs even.

Sex tapes for seniors.

I just got a new camera!

"Humility is a good quality, but it can be overdone"

-Conrad Black, whose douchebaggery is a mere molecule in relation to his masterful writing style.

"If a bullet enters my brain, let it break open every closet door in the world".
- Harvey Milk

iO Tillet Wright - New York photographer ....

ISNT THIS SHIT AMAZING ! Check out her blog in my favourite links.

(If she ever sees this, I hope she's not pissed I put her stuff on here. I just thought you should know about it !!!)

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Simone: Do you have any dreams?
Pee-wee: Yeah, I'm all alone. I'm rolling a big doughnut and this snake wearing a vest...

"With my reading of books, months passed without my even thinking about being imprisoned. In fact, up to then, I never had been so truly free in my life"

-Malcolm X

Since I love lists so much ...

I think everyone should have a (tangible) list of their favourite bars in the city.

But first, here is a list of criteria by which you can make your own favourites list. It is the criteria I follow when making such lists. In fact, this information scans up before my eyes every time I enter a bar, like the Terminator.

1. Layout. I enjoy a bar that I feel I could play hide and seek in, a bar with knooks and crannies. P.J. O’Brien, the Irish pub on Colbourne street off Yonge has a bunch of little hideouts. You could probably do some lewd shit in this bar, now that I think of it. The Foggy Dew on King Street also has an unsuspectingly awesome layout. High wood walls on their booths, and booths where you wouldn’t expect booths.

2. A favourite bar must have an interesting menu. Pub fare is usually boring and lame. I appreciate a place that makes the most of having little to no kitchen. Starving Artist totally wins this one. They do every waffle of the rainbow – and waffles are an excellent drunk food. They are sort of a cafe too, and do brunch, with even more creative waffle dealios like smore’s and what not. The Painted lady has some crazy shit too, like “white trash nacho’s” which consist of cheese whiz and chilli over Fritos. They also have Gazpacho and mushroom carpaccio. The Crooked Star isn’t to bad either. They have mad cheap eats, and a particularly dope vegetarian curry roti.

3. Ease factor. You must ask yourself: Does it feel easy for me to be in this bar? That’s the main reason the Last Temptation scores so high on my list. I don’t really know many people who haven’t made out with a stranger in this bathroom. In order to feel comfortable, I have to know that I have made out with strangers in the bathroom. I’m joking, but in all seriousness I pretty much feel like I could do whatever the fuck I want in this bar and the servers wouldn’t give two shakes of a lambs tail.

4. The drink selection must be adequate, but not overwhelming. It takes me like, 12 years to read the beer list at the Rhino. I like beer a lot, but really, I’m simply wasting drinking time with perusing such a colossal menu. Tortilla flats has a pretty good drink menu, and you can get enormous cocktails for super cheap. I hate martinis and everything they stand for, generally, but for you, Tortilla Flats, I will gladly get drunk on them. Oh, and Black Dice Cafe has a crazy selection of sake martini’s, which is imaginative.

5. This is not a necessary requirement, but bars with board games are like a dress with pockets – just a lot better.

6. Location must be convenient. If I feel like I’m going to have to take drastic measures to get home, like wait for the streetcar for 5 hours, or resort to riding a pesky, uncomfortable camel, well, you can count me out, mister. I can't get comfortable in a place knowing my trek home will be hell in a handbasket. Disgraceland works for me because I can stumble like 50 meters and be home safe and sound with little to no bruising.

7. I like a bar with plants. The Done Right Inn on Queen West has this epic three right in the middle of the patio. It’s magical. I also do appreciate how many spider plants are in the Imperial Pub, even though it didn’t make my top ten. Honourable mention.

8. A really excellent bar will whisk you out of your own reality and make you feel like something of a star. Red Light has an awesome back room with couches that makes you feel like you have stumbled upon a porn set. Black Dice Cafe on Dundas is also a rockabilly paradise. Being in there kind of makes me feel like I might actually be able to pull off short bangs, black hair and red lips. Even if only for the time I’m drinking in there. The Emmet Ray on College has a really lovely interior, in fact it inspires me to adopt a classier lifestyle, which is not an easy feeling to have when getting drunk and struggling to keep it together, appearance wise.

9. Music selection must be interesting. By interesting I mean I like a bar that’s not too proud to play some hits. When I get drunk, there’s nothing more I like to hear than Lady Gaga. I’m not ashamed, you know? I love Ted’s Collision, but that bar plays a lot of the same shit all the time, and I abhor that Journey song they always play at last call. Gag me with a spoon.

10. Drink deals are imperative. The Lab is pretty good, but their deals involve mostly things I personally don’t get down with, such as Jagger. Souz Dal has some good martini deals, and you can’t go wrong with 3 dollar mixed drinks on a trashed Tuesday.

Here are my top ten. Not in any particular order at the moment. Please don't judge me too hard based on this list.

1. Last Temptation (kensington)
2. Green Room (Annex)
3. Souz Dahl (Little Italy)
4. The Local (Roncy)
5. Disgraceland (Bloorcourt)
6. The Painted lady (Ossington and Dundas)
7. Starving Artist (Bloor and Landsdown ... Blandsdown)
8. Cloak and Dagger (College and Major)
9. The Done Right Inn (Queen west)

Pachislo's

Pachislo (Patch - is - slow) - a Japanese slot machine that generates obnoxious noise and gaudy imagery, and what appears to be a really fucking good time.

Pachislo's are different than normal slot machines because they have LCD screens which video-game-style narratives play out of. Complete with colourful anime style graphics and crazy sound effects and Japanese approximations of American themes like Rambo and Harley Davidson.

There's even an Obama Inauguration pachislo which comes decorated with an image of our main man Barrack, with his arms folded in front of the presidential seal and an American Flag.

Gambling is illegal in Japan, but people sit there glassy eyed in front of these bad boys in "pachinko parlors" for hours, trying to win tokens to trade in for prizes - like cigarette lighters or little boxes, then they can take the prizes to redeeming centers and exchange them for cash. (The process is a bit more involved than here in North America.)

Theres a dude in Brooklyn (Eddie Cramer) who has transformed his entire apartment into a private pachinko parlor. He lives mostly at his girlfriends place so his apartment can be dedicated to his illustrious collection. (What a fucking badass.)

Anatomy of the male preteen heart throb.

It starts with a small town.

When you are from a small town, you are probably vulnerable enough to be conned into wearing something rediculous, singing showtunes and / or being a white preteen rapper, and generally being a puppet for the industry. Or your simply just too polite to say no.



A powerful, enduring, godlike figure (Usher, Jermaine Dupree, Snoop Dogg) takes you under their wing for God knows what reason. Maybe they see a glimmer in your eyes - a prospective river of boundless riches. These enduring figures tear the young neophyte from his home, introduce him into the "game", a world of drugs, nice shoes, and scantily clad women. The young grasshopper will adopt infinite swagger and generally lose his virginity at age, oh, 12, and is probably about ready for rehab at the ripe old age of, oh, 16. I give Beiber 2 years.

Anyone who actually calls themself The Doggfather and isn't widely ridiculed for it would be responsible for Lil Bow Wow's astonishing success. And as for Kriss Kross, wearing clothing backward may not have been quite the enduring trend the world had hoped at the time, but Dupri moulded those boys into cartoon character type figures of monumental historic relevance. Their music videos are totally like a necessary institution in hip hop. And I don't care what anyone says. Those boys were fucking hot.



He has to have older, famous women spreading his name like wildfire across the internet. When this blonde sbum bag announced that she "wanted to do a shoot" with Bieber and that she was "close to his age", a wave of nausea on par with the hormones in Laguna Beaches spanned the land. Gag me with a spoon.



On that note, often times there is a virginal quality to the male preteen heartthrob that sometimes makes older female celebrities want to rip off their clothing, tie them up in their bedroom and tape the whole thing and sell it to the tabloids. Or the child star just gets married at the age of like, 18 because all they want to do is bone but are hampered by their moral qualms.



Usually the child star will alternate between singing, acting, dancing, theatre, and may even start a clothing line. Their status as a triple threat may be questionable, ie Zac Efron`s uncertain acting abilities - but let it be known that he can really bust a move.



Its imparative that he throws a lot of gang signs.



Then, when the child star turns about 19 or 20 and realizes their entire career has been little more than an artistic joke, one of several events may ensue:

a) The child star turns to the porn industry (remember screech? And Jesse Spano? Two child stars of Saved by the Bell who both attempted to salvage their careers with porno. That said, he's pretty good at what he does. His appearances on Sally Jesse Raphael making mysoginistic comments at white trash hoes do make me chuckle, I cannot lie.)

b) The child star commits suicide or has a mysterious death. (Michael Jackson, Corey Haim)

c) The child star publicly apologizes for creating noise pollution and swears to embark on a path of legitimacy (The Moffats. I guess they didnt go through with the attempt for legitimacy, though. Matter of fact I tried to check the spelling of thier name and Google was like girl who the fuck you talkin bout?)

d) The child star sinks into oblivion and is never heard of again (JTT, Hanson, Rider Strong from Boy Meets World) save for maybe the occasional sex tape, commercial appearance, or arrest for cocaine posession (Danny Bonaduce).

e) Turns homosexual and astonishes the world. (Lance Bass, JTT)

I`ll end this post on a positive note: I predict an epic comeback for Macaulay Kaulkin. He managed to wheel Mila Kunis, so something tells me he has the makings of a legend. Or maybe heès just hung like a horse and we will be seeing an epic porn tape of the two of thm in the future. Either way, Im down.

Gulf Oil Spill - The Way I See It.

I'm not about to go and say Obama is an idiot for not seeing this oil spill catastrophe coming, but the indicators were pretty obvious, if you ask me.

This is how I see it:

- BP has a history of felonies. It is the fourth biggest company in the world (the first is Royal Dutch Shell. I wikipedia'd this and at first thought it meant Old Dutch, the chip company which would have made way more sense because those chips are fucking bomb). Anyway, BP is an oil giant who could probably take over the world if it wanted to, so no one is going to say anything when it pretty much makes the same mistakes every year. The usual - killing their workers, cutting and pasting words from emergency plan to emergency plan (more about this later), and being frugal. Usually I endorse thriftiness, and I'm sure you do too, but when it comes to things like, oh you know, drilling thirty five thousand feet beneath water and into the earths fucking core, I would like to think we could set aside our petty fiscal qualms.

- BP's behavior alone in the Exxon Valdez shit was as good an indicator as any that they are about as competent as I am after drinking a box of wine. The worst damage was done during the hours they tried to fix shit. All their equipment was buried under snow, and no clean up ship was standing by. Exxon was like fuck this and brushed them aside. At which point BP continued masterbating and playing nintendo.

- Their emergency response plan was about as well thought out as, oh, a grocery list. Let me elaborate. Listed among precautions they wanted to take while drilling are walrus's, sea lions and other celestial creatures of the great white north. Not the fucking Gulf of Mexico, you idiot. C'est possible that they used text from an entirely different plan? The Minerals Management service let this shit slide by granting BP a categorical exclusion - which is meant strictly for minimally intrustive projects, like outhouses and hiking trails. Not the deepest hole ever drilled into mother earths sacred core. Now look at it. Great emergency plan, BP. You should have written it on a post it.

- Maybe if MMS and BP weren't too busy 69ing and chasing the dragon, we wouldn't be up to our gills in l'heule. Both companies have histories of being totally corrupt. And MMS has been operating "under the radar" with no definite mission statement for eons. Eons I say! Before Ken Salazar got his tie - clad ass in that office and started slapping wrists and confiscating rubix cubes, it was all fun and games. BP and MMS are like two chatty pre teens during silent reading hour. If the president trusts them to self regulate, the entire classroom will be full of oil in a few days.

On top of all that, my suspicions were confirmed when Tony Hayward was like "I want my life back!" Well guess what, Tony? So do the families and friends of the people who died in the disaster on April 20th. What kind of PR stunt was that? He must be still suffering from the residual hallucinagens, or maybe he's just straight up wasted. (I know I sure would be if I was the CEO of an oil comany).

The worst part is, despite the 6 month moratorium on offshore drilling, at least 5 new projects have been granted permits. Having said that, 30 000 people are working on this shit in 4 states. So Obama's not a total slacker. But he's an idiot for continuing to let people drill, baby, drill, away when we won't have even recovered from the events of April 20th for probably decades. And my kids are going to be pissed. I really don't care if he took a mini vaca with Michelle like 4 days after the spill to play golf and eat ribs. life goes on, right? We all need to eat ribs sometimes.

Essentially, what we need now is for Salazar to work his alleged magic, (he split up the MMS into 3 parts, you see, sort of what I consider to be like separating rambunctious kids into different rooms. Or quarentining people with infectious diseases. The infectious diseases being fun and slacking. If one person's up to no good, I know I sure will be too).

But in terms of my perscription for the future of the Gulf of Mexico, and offshore drilling, (because I know your dying to know my prescriptions. And I'm also authorized to prescribe such remedies), I have thought about it alot and the idea of performing what appears to be open heart surgery in the dark at the bottom of the Gulf is probably going to be next to impossible. They should employ a ninja (ie - the one in Oceans Eleven who they shoved in the box to sneak into the vault), or several ninjas, but pump them full of speed first. Send them down to work their magic. In the meantime, Obama and I will be eating ribs and getting pedicures.

Either that or a lot of hair to soak that shit up. (I heard Rachel McAdams was actually trying to do this.)

But the bottom line is I think everyone just needs to take a moment and remind themselves what really matters most in life: watching Lady Gaga's Alejandro video. Do this, sun children, and all will be well with the environment.

Tonight I was biking home from work and this dude yelled "oh my god you have nice tits I love you!" then his friend was like "dude shes like 16".

Perhaps due to the fact that I ride a childs bike.

Or maybe the fact that I look like an adolescent.

wavves !

LOOOOOVE