"Details, the goddamn details could alway break your heart"
- Julia Alvarez

Hungry.

So I moved and don't have internet yet. I've been using this as an excuse for pretty much everything I haven't been doing.

But theres a bakery from heaven about 10 meters from our apartment with free internet, mountains of custard tarts and adorable old men playing chess, so I guess I don't have too much to complain about for the time being.

I'm really happy to be back in school because it really inspires me to make something of my (filthy and pathetic) existence. I've been writing a bunch of stories, and been working on a sonnet since I've been back in school. (sonnets, by the way, are the bane of my existence, but I can't seem to stop trying)

Anyway, I havent finished anything.
Better than not starting altogether, I guess.

My classes really inspire me but at the same time discourage me because they show me how far I have to go, how much I still have to learn. How long will I be satisfied with my artistic persuits before I grow out of them again? Will I ever be able to write a book without tiring of it after the first few pages, chapter, draft? HOW WILL I EVER DOCUMENT MY LIFE IF I GROW SO RESTLESS IN THE PROCESS THAT BY THE TIME I AM 80 I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR MYSELF!

In ACS 500, that celestial academic god Andrew Hunter divulged one of his favourite philosophy quotes :
"The sole cause of man's unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room."
- Pascal (a French child prodigy, mathematician and philosopher, 1623 - 1662)

This really resonated with me. I often wonder if other people can't read a page without their mind wandering or jotting totally irrelevant notes on the page or pacing, drinking tea, checking e-mail, (going on facebook - I'm so ashamed). I am a focused person, but the concept of concentration kind of baffles me.

When I was a kid I believed that to be concentrated was to sink into a meditative, unearthly state that was entirely separate from a regular state of being. To be so completely unaware of your surroundings, fully absorbed in your thoughts to the point that hours should pass before you emerge to discover you have created an entire masterpeice, or something. Sometimes studying intimidates me. (I feel like I might slip into a parallel universe if the library is too quiet.)

(The last part is an exaggeration, but it's not such a far cry from the truth)

Anyway, while class sometimes makes me feel bad about my ability to 'concentrate' at the drop of a hat (ie - my ability to slip in and out of a parallel universe), working with the Continuist makes me feel super awesome. We started a blog this year,to make it a more ongoing, interactive project. This years theme is 'The Hunger' - to encourage contributors to think about the issues they feel passionately about (or what they are 'hungry for').

This excites me. There are so many things I'm hungry for this year. English, sonnets, custard tarts ...

Check it out here ! http://thecontinuist.wordpress.com/

I like October.