"If a bullet enters my brain, let it break open every closet door in the world".
- Harvey Milk

iO Tillet Wright - New York photographer ....

ISNT THIS SHIT AMAZING ! Check out her blog in my favourite links.

(If she ever sees this, I hope she's not pissed I put her stuff on here. I just thought you should know about it !!!)

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Simone: Do you have any dreams?
Pee-wee: Yeah, I'm all alone. I'm rolling a big doughnut and this snake wearing a vest...

"With my reading of books, months passed without my even thinking about being imprisoned. In fact, up to then, I never had been so truly free in my life"

-Malcolm X

Since I love lists so much ...

I think everyone should have a (tangible) list of their favourite bars in the city.

But first, here is a list of criteria by which you can make your own favourites list. It is the criteria I follow when making such lists. In fact, this information scans up before my eyes every time I enter a bar, like the Terminator.

1. Layout. I enjoy a bar that I feel I could play hide and seek in, a bar with knooks and crannies. P.J. O’Brien, the Irish pub on Colbourne street off Yonge has a bunch of little hideouts. You could probably do some lewd shit in this bar, now that I think of it. The Foggy Dew on King Street also has an unsuspectingly awesome layout. High wood walls on their booths, and booths where you wouldn’t expect booths.

2. A favourite bar must have an interesting menu. Pub fare is usually boring and lame. I appreciate a place that makes the most of having little to no kitchen. Starving Artist totally wins this one. They do every waffle of the rainbow – and waffles are an excellent drunk food. They are sort of a cafe too, and do brunch, with even more creative waffle dealios like smore’s and what not. The Painted lady has some crazy shit too, like “white trash nacho’s” which consist of cheese whiz and chilli over Fritos. They also have Gazpacho and mushroom carpaccio. The Crooked Star isn’t to bad either. They have mad cheap eats, and a particularly dope vegetarian curry roti.

3. Ease factor. You must ask yourself: Does it feel easy for me to be in this bar? That’s the main reason the Last Temptation scores so high on my list. I don’t really know many people who haven’t made out with a stranger in this bathroom. In order to feel comfortable, I have to know that I have made out with strangers in the bathroom. I’m joking, but in all seriousness I pretty much feel like I could do whatever the fuck I want in this bar and the servers wouldn’t give two shakes of a lambs tail.

4. The drink selection must be adequate, but not overwhelming. It takes me like, 12 years to read the beer list at the Rhino. I like beer a lot, but really, I’m simply wasting drinking time with perusing such a colossal menu. Tortilla flats has a pretty good drink menu, and you can get enormous cocktails for super cheap. I hate martinis and everything they stand for, generally, but for you, Tortilla Flats, I will gladly get drunk on them. Oh, and Black Dice Cafe has a crazy selection of sake martini’s, which is imaginative.

5. This is not a necessary requirement, but bars with board games are like a dress with pockets – just a lot better.

6. Location must be convenient. If I feel like I’m going to have to take drastic measures to get home, like wait for the streetcar for 5 hours, or resort to riding a pesky, uncomfortable camel, well, you can count me out, mister. I can't get comfortable in a place knowing my trek home will be hell in a handbasket. Disgraceland works for me because I can stumble like 50 meters and be home safe and sound with little to no bruising.

7. I like a bar with plants. The Done Right Inn on Queen West has this epic three right in the middle of the patio. It’s magical. I also do appreciate how many spider plants are in the Imperial Pub, even though it didn’t make my top ten. Honourable mention.

8. A really excellent bar will whisk you out of your own reality and make you feel like something of a star. Red Light has an awesome back room with couches that makes you feel like you have stumbled upon a porn set. Black Dice Cafe on Dundas is also a rockabilly paradise. Being in there kind of makes me feel like I might actually be able to pull off short bangs, black hair and red lips. Even if only for the time I’m drinking in there. The Emmet Ray on College has a really lovely interior, in fact it inspires me to adopt a classier lifestyle, which is not an easy feeling to have when getting drunk and struggling to keep it together, appearance wise.

9. Music selection must be interesting. By interesting I mean I like a bar that’s not too proud to play some hits. When I get drunk, there’s nothing more I like to hear than Lady Gaga. I’m not ashamed, you know? I love Ted’s Collision, but that bar plays a lot of the same shit all the time, and I abhor that Journey song they always play at last call. Gag me with a spoon.

10. Drink deals are imperative. The Lab is pretty good, but their deals involve mostly things I personally don’t get down with, such as Jagger. Souz Dal has some good martini deals, and you can’t go wrong with 3 dollar mixed drinks on a trashed Tuesday.

Here are my top ten. Not in any particular order at the moment. Please don't judge me too hard based on this list.

1. Last Temptation (kensington)
2. Green Room (Annex)
3. Souz Dahl (Little Italy)
4. The Local (Roncy)
5. Disgraceland (Bloorcourt)
6. The Painted lady (Ossington and Dundas)
7. Starving Artist (Bloor and Landsdown ... Blandsdown)
8. Cloak and Dagger (College and Major)
9. The Done Right Inn (Queen west)

Pachislo's

Pachislo (Patch - is - slow) - a Japanese slot machine that generates obnoxious noise and gaudy imagery, and what appears to be a really fucking good time.

Pachislo's are different than normal slot machines because they have LCD screens which video-game-style narratives play out of. Complete with colourful anime style graphics and crazy sound effects and Japanese approximations of American themes like Rambo and Harley Davidson.

There's even an Obama Inauguration pachislo which comes decorated with an image of our main man Barrack, with his arms folded in front of the presidential seal and an American Flag.

Gambling is illegal in Japan, but people sit there glassy eyed in front of these bad boys in "pachinko parlors" for hours, trying to win tokens to trade in for prizes - like cigarette lighters or little boxes, then they can take the prizes to redeeming centers and exchange them for cash. (The process is a bit more involved than here in North America.)

Theres a dude in Brooklyn (Eddie Cramer) who has transformed his entire apartment into a private pachinko parlor. He lives mostly at his girlfriends place so his apartment can be dedicated to his illustrious collection. (What a fucking badass.)

Anatomy of the male preteen heart throb.

It starts with a small town.

When you are from a small town, you are probably vulnerable enough to be conned into wearing something rediculous, singing showtunes and / or being a white preteen rapper, and generally being a puppet for the industry. Or your simply just too polite to say no.



A powerful, enduring, godlike figure (Usher, Jermaine Dupree, Snoop Dogg) takes you under their wing for God knows what reason. Maybe they see a glimmer in your eyes - a prospective river of boundless riches. These enduring figures tear the young neophyte from his home, introduce him into the "game", a world of drugs, nice shoes, and scantily clad women. The young grasshopper will adopt infinite swagger and generally lose his virginity at age, oh, 12, and is probably about ready for rehab at the ripe old age of, oh, 16. I give Beiber 2 years.

Anyone who actually calls themself The Doggfather and isn't widely ridiculed for it would be responsible for Lil Bow Wow's astonishing success. And as for Kriss Kross, wearing clothing backward may not have been quite the enduring trend the world had hoped at the time, but Dupri moulded those boys into cartoon character type figures of monumental historic relevance. Their music videos are totally like a necessary institution in hip hop. And I don't care what anyone says. Those boys were fucking hot.



He has to have older, famous women spreading his name like wildfire across the internet. When this blonde sbum bag announced that she "wanted to do a shoot" with Bieber and that she was "close to his age", a wave of nausea on par with the hormones in Laguna Beaches spanned the land. Gag me with a spoon.



On that note, often times there is a virginal quality to the male preteen heartthrob that sometimes makes older female celebrities want to rip off their clothing, tie them up in their bedroom and tape the whole thing and sell it to the tabloids. Or the child star just gets married at the age of like, 18 because all they want to do is bone but are hampered by their moral qualms.



Usually the child star will alternate between singing, acting, dancing, theatre, and may even start a clothing line. Their status as a triple threat may be questionable, ie Zac Efron`s uncertain acting abilities - but let it be known that he can really bust a move.



Its imparative that he throws a lot of gang signs.



Then, when the child star turns about 19 or 20 and realizes their entire career has been little more than an artistic joke, one of several events may ensue:

a) The child star turns to the porn industry (remember screech? And Jesse Spano? Two child stars of Saved by the Bell who both attempted to salvage their careers with porno. That said, he's pretty good at what he does. His appearances on Sally Jesse Raphael making mysoginistic comments at white trash hoes do make me chuckle, I cannot lie.)

b) The child star commits suicide or has a mysterious death. (Michael Jackson, Corey Haim)

c) The child star publicly apologizes for creating noise pollution and swears to embark on a path of legitimacy (The Moffats. I guess they didnt go through with the attempt for legitimacy, though. Matter of fact I tried to check the spelling of thier name and Google was like girl who the fuck you talkin bout?)

d) The child star sinks into oblivion and is never heard of again (JTT, Hanson, Rider Strong from Boy Meets World) save for maybe the occasional sex tape, commercial appearance, or arrest for cocaine posession (Danny Bonaduce).

e) Turns homosexual and astonishes the world. (Lance Bass, JTT)

I`ll end this post on a positive note: I predict an epic comeback for Macaulay Kaulkin. He managed to wheel Mila Kunis, so something tells me he has the makings of a legend. Or maybe heès just hung like a horse and we will be seeing an epic porn tape of the two of thm in the future. Either way, Im down.