Gulf Oil Spill - The Way I See It.

I'm not about to go and say Obama is an idiot for not seeing this oil spill catastrophe coming, but the indicators were pretty obvious, if you ask me.

This is how I see it:

- BP has a history of felonies. It is the fourth biggest company in the world (the first is Royal Dutch Shell. I wikipedia'd this and at first thought it meant Old Dutch, the chip company which would have made way more sense because those chips are fucking bomb). Anyway, BP is an oil giant who could probably take over the world if it wanted to, so no one is going to say anything when it pretty much makes the same mistakes every year. The usual - killing their workers, cutting and pasting words from emergency plan to emergency plan (more about this later), and being frugal. Usually I endorse thriftiness, and I'm sure you do too, but when it comes to things like, oh you know, drilling thirty five thousand feet beneath water and into the earths fucking core, I would like to think we could set aside our petty fiscal qualms.

- BP's behavior alone in the Exxon Valdez shit was as good an indicator as any that they are about as competent as I am after drinking a box of wine. The worst damage was done during the hours they tried to fix shit. All their equipment was buried under snow, and no clean up ship was standing by. Exxon was like fuck this and brushed them aside. At which point BP continued masterbating and playing nintendo.

- Their emergency response plan was about as well thought out as, oh, a grocery list. Let me elaborate. Listed among precautions they wanted to take while drilling are walrus's, sea lions and other celestial creatures of the great white north. Not the fucking Gulf of Mexico, you idiot. C'est possible that they used text from an entirely different plan? The Minerals Management service let this shit slide by granting BP a categorical exclusion - which is meant strictly for minimally intrustive projects, like outhouses and hiking trails. Not the deepest hole ever drilled into mother earths sacred core. Now look at it. Great emergency plan, BP. You should have written it on a post it.

- Maybe if MMS and BP weren't too busy 69ing and chasing the dragon, we wouldn't be up to our gills in l'heule. Both companies have histories of being totally corrupt. And MMS has been operating "under the radar" with no definite mission statement for eons. Eons I say! Before Ken Salazar got his tie - clad ass in that office and started slapping wrists and confiscating rubix cubes, it was all fun and games. BP and MMS are like two chatty pre teens during silent reading hour. If the president trusts them to self regulate, the entire classroom will be full of oil in a few days.

On top of all that, my suspicions were confirmed when Tony Hayward was like "I want my life back!" Well guess what, Tony? So do the families and friends of the people who died in the disaster on April 20th. What kind of PR stunt was that? He must be still suffering from the residual hallucinagens, or maybe he's just straight up wasted. (I know I sure would be if I was the CEO of an oil comany).

The worst part is, despite the 6 month moratorium on offshore drilling, at least 5 new projects have been granted permits. Having said that, 30 000 people are working on this shit in 4 states. So Obama's not a total slacker. But he's an idiot for continuing to let people drill, baby, drill, away when we won't have even recovered from the events of April 20th for probably decades. And my kids are going to be pissed. I really don't care if he took a mini vaca with Michelle like 4 days after the spill to play golf and eat ribs. life goes on, right? We all need to eat ribs sometimes.

Essentially, what we need now is for Salazar to work his alleged magic, (he split up the MMS into 3 parts, you see, sort of what I consider to be like separating rambunctious kids into different rooms. Or quarentining people with infectious diseases. The infectious diseases being fun and slacking. If one person's up to no good, I know I sure will be too).

But in terms of my perscription for the future of the Gulf of Mexico, and offshore drilling, (because I know your dying to know my prescriptions. And I'm also authorized to prescribe such remedies), I have thought about it alot and the idea of performing what appears to be open heart surgery in the dark at the bottom of the Gulf is probably going to be next to impossible. They should employ a ninja (ie - the one in Oceans Eleven who they shoved in the box to sneak into the vault), or several ninjas, but pump them full of speed first. Send them down to work their magic. In the meantime, Obama and I will be eating ribs and getting pedicures.

Either that or a lot of hair to soak that shit up. (I heard Rachel McAdams was actually trying to do this.)

But the bottom line is I think everyone just needs to take a moment and remind themselves what really matters most in life: watching Lady Gaga's Alejandro video. Do this, sun children, and all will be well with the environment.

yeah I'm a server and I'm bitter, ok ?

Many lament that restaurant experiences in the city are often ruined by subpar service, an element of dining that often overshadows food. Servers aren’t invested, aren’t passionate, and don’t know the origins of their ingredients. What’s more, servers don’t hold a position of value in our local sphere. If social problems in Toronto such as insufficient food banks, lack of access to ethically slaughtered meat, even obesity, are attributed to inadequate social policy, then bad food service is no exception.

Food in Toronto is serious business, representing so much more than simply our daily sustenance. It reflects a culture that is enormously diverse and capable when it comes to food. Yet perhaps more than the tasty morsels we fork over our hard earned cash for, service is a dominating aspect of any restaurant experience, and one that is under considerable scrutiny in the city of Toronto. Take, for example, such restaurants that came to define Toronto as an influential city in the 80’s and 90’s – The Organ Grinder, the Old Spaghetti Factory. Chances are, if you had / have eaten at either of these embellished establishments, you don’t remember much about the food. You will, however, remember the atmosphere – which can be largely attributed to the food service workers who facilitate the magic. If service is such a valued part of the Toronto eating experience, then why isn’t it more respected?

According to Peter Maynard (Toronto writer and foodie) and Kate Carraway (Eye Weekly columnist and foodie), an impediment to the possibility of creating a food culture in Toronto that is up to par with that of European standards is that we belittle service jobs. In Europe, service sector work is regulated and dignified in a way that it simply isn’t in Toronto. The European restaurant model is built on tradition; restaurants are passed down from generation to generation to cultivate a lasting clientele and a reputable name. Even Montreal sees this type of history in restaurants that have stuck around for ages - unlike the increasing brevity of Toronto establishments. Carraway and Maynard note the interesting fact that countries with the most secure sense of class systems are the ones where professional service workers have less anxiety than in a status obsessed city like Toronto. European servers are considered experts, and in Toronto, they seem to be little more than servants. In this city what determines the success of many restaurants is fad and real estate, rather than the age old traditions that cultivate an enduring clientele.

To be cliché about things, Toronto is a cold city. We usually don’t like to admit it, but we treat strangers with scepticism. There’s nothing wrong with the Toronto attitude, perse, it just means that we can’t simply expect Torontonian servers to jump into their work uniforms and be the friendly neighbourhood waitresses who will eagerly wait on your every beckoning call. Furthermore, in a world that is increasingly dominated by the business model of the fast food industry, (in and outside of food service), efficiency, predictability, calculability and control (known as the “McDonaldization of society”) rule the day. The “McWorld” we live in is becoming less and less personal and more and more dependent on technology to perform menial tasks. This is why we hold so close to our hearts the (quickly dissipating) ideal of the genuinely sweet, gracious and ever giving server. The architecture of our dining fantasies comes crashing down when this ideal is compromised – but if we really want good service, it’s time for us to get real.

Servers will never take pride in their work if they continue to operate within a space that doesn’t afford them dignity, or a general criterion for satisfactoriness. We have no public standard for good service. Or rather, the current standard seems to be based on entirely personal factors, which only creates an ambiguity that is only natural in a city full of varying cultures and social notions. How bad is bad? And how good is good? Everyone’s perception of good service and professionalism is bound to differ. Is it wrong to bring the bill before someone asks for it? Is it wrong to comply with a patrons wish to ask a couple to move if the other patron wants to sit at their table? These are all questions that have no objective answer, but they should. We need to shift the standard to an objective, public model in order to create a lasting social infrastructure of good service.

The characteristics of a good server - an extensive wine or beer knowledge, ability to pair wines with foods, and educated opinion of food items, are all considerable undertakings, and those who master them should be afforded the dignity they deserve. The waiters at Kit Kat (King and John) are well equipped with these assets, and take their job seriously. And it shows – business at Kit Kat is booming, and has been since its inception 15 years ago. But we can’t count on personal investment as a business standard. It’s no surprise that we do, however. Somewhere in between hunting and gathering, and the days of the drive thru, almost every aspect of the dining experience has become entirely personal. As we become increasingly isolated as a society, (a result of heightened and pervasive technology among other aspect of this modern life) we move further and further away from a holistic, public framework we can all dine by!

What we can and should do is provide a space where servers can become capable of these valuable qualities. In order to facilitate the knowledge of menu ingredients and their origins, open communication must exist between the kitchen and the server. Speaking from personal experience, language barriers between the two zones have made in depth conversation impossible, if workers who operate the kitchens aren’t already uninformed of how pre made food is put together when it is delivered. Many line cooks simply assemble the prepared food and don’t receive any background information whatsoever. Servers would be hard pressed to find out information about the food they are serving. They shouldn’t have to make endless phone calls or appointments with head offices in order to find out what kind of cheeses are involved in the sausage penne casserole.

Antagonizing servers is also a commonplace practise of the media. One of the few industries in which scrutiny is deemed completely acceptable, even encouraged, entire careers are made judging servers. Restaurant reviewers, bloggers, movies often portray servers in a less than flattering light. All these factors shape public attitude toward servers. It’s time that we stop criticizing the individual server and shift the discussion to one of a larger social picture. Restaurants are a barometer for how a city perceives itself, and service is an enormously important element of the restaurant. It’s time we take pride in our servers, so they can take pride in their work. Not only is it a matter of improving culture in Toronto – bringing us closer to the cities we are constantly compared to, but it’s also a matter of human rights. Equal treatment across professional sectors will ensure the framework for a better food experience, for the both server and the patron.