The Divine Miss M

Look at this face! It's like a distinguished Molly Ringwald!
But I maintain that Better Midler looks way better at 64 then Molly ever has at 41.

I really like Better Midler, and so does my mom. But for different reasons.
Born unto a seamstress in Honolulu, she was raised in one of the few Jewish families in a neighborhood of Asians. (Bette, not my mom.)

Top 5 best Bette Midler roles:

- The First Wives Club. "Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!" Her rivalry with Sarah Jessica Parker in this movie really makes me want to be a more vicious woman.

- The Women. Divorced women eating sticks of butter and deciding they are, in fact, the men they want to marry. She gives an amazing soliloquy on how selfishness is the secret to life. The best part of the entire movie is when her character busts in on a divorced womens yoga circle in the wilderness and is all outraged that the class starts so early. The instructor goes "We always canoe at dawn" and Bette's like "I always fake my orgasms. That doesnt make it right" IN A YOGA CIRCLE OF DIVORCED WOMEN IN THE WILDERNESS!!

- The Rose. A movie based on the life of Janis Joplin, starring Bette Midler. Need I say more!

- Hocus Pocus. I don't understand how both her and Sarah Jessica Parker can be made to look like tranny warlocks but still be fucking hot.

- The Stepford Wives. Her house is a fucking pig stye in this and its pretty funny. Other than her, this movie is kind of lame.

I think my generation really hasn't appreciated Bette Midler for all she has to offer. She's also a Vegas show girl and rad singer. They say she is going to play Carrie's mom in the Sex and the City sequel. (Miley Cyrus is also going to be in that shit. Which may actually have an effect on my viewing the movie.)

(Of course I will view it, but I will look on with disdain at the parts with non human Miley Cyrus.)

Some bboy cocksucker in a dance club actually booed me the other night. Those of you who have felt self conscious on the floor haven't felt ANYTHING until someone actually confirms your suspicions that you totally suck.

I died, but I am reborn.

Oh hai.

So it’s been roughly four thousand years since I’ve posted anything on this blog. I’d like to take this time to apologize to my fans. I know it’s probably been really hard without my really relevant and amazing words.

(sarcasm.)

But regardless of how we haven’t been speaking, I want you to know that I still really care about you a lot. Here is a list of things that I’ve been doing with my absurd and meaningless life since we lost touch:

- Listening to a lot of kid sister – rapper from Chicago. I have a total hard on for her. Myspace.com/kidsister. She is like, lil mama meets salt n peppa. (ie – my dream woman.)

- Jazzing my pants in anticipation for ye ole saint Nick’s arrival. I get unintelligibly excited for Christmas, it’s rather embarrassing. My mom got me, Macey and TK advent calendars (she gave my two room-mates away though, before she reached the city – but it’s the thought that counts I reckon). I never miss a fucking day on those things.


- Studying for / writing exams. That was a biggie.

- Painting things. And callaging. And I did some iron on transfers on a pair of jeans. (characters from the rhyme hey diddle diddle, to be precise) Macey and I have plunged pretty hard into the craft world – one I never really appreciated before. There is this book sitting on my kitchen table called "The big ass book of crafts" by Mark Montano - the guy who hosted that show While You Were Out. It's full of crafts beyond my wildest dreams. Metallic baby statues, cable tie door beads ...two litre cola bottle sea creature lamps ... this book has opened my life to a world of possibilities.

- Developing an unhealthy obsession with slasher films. I really wish Alfred Hitchcock was my dad. I hope my Dad doesn’t read that. I find it especially drole how many horror films are oriented around helpless female protagonists. With huge breasts, that get unnecessarily exposed during their deaths. Not that I’m complaining, or anything. One of my all time favourite deaths, remains Drew Barrymore and her boyfriends in the opening part of Scream. Tk made fun of me to no end for my liking the Scream trilogy. Fuck him, and everything he stands for. KIDDING !

This essay I read by Noel Caroll for a class stated how horror films scare us to the degree of realistic hazards they show. Like, when someone falls off a cliff or something it scares us because it’s a believable way to die. But we wouldn’t buy it if someone suddenly flew upward into the air and repeatedly hit their head on the ceiling. When I read this, I actually thought my life was coming to a close because I started laughing so hard. In fact I’m fucking laughing now as I relive that text. Maybe you don’t find it funny. (but if you don’t, you suck.)

- Watching Lady Gaga’s bad romance video. I was utterly and unexplainably fascinated by that shit.

- Spending some quality time with the fam in Brantford, since I finished my exams. They're fun. I'm mucho looking forward to chilling with some old friends and lovers.

- rekindling my love for dancing like a maniac. This is a recent phenomena.
- wearing long johns :(

- Being really poor and sucking at it.

What I'm trying to tell you is that I’ve been drunk since Thursday at 5 when I finished my last exam. Somebody give me some structure so I don’t fall off the face of this earth.

You know you're stressed out when someone sneezes in the cubicle next to you and you fucking jump out of your skin.

"A woman without a body can't possible be a good fighter"
- Helene Cixous.

Robert Pattinson is sOoOoOoOo interesting

Edvard Munch - The Vampire.

This painting is pretty sexy, non ?

Freud reckons we are so down with vampires because they satisfy our desire for an incestuous encounter with dead relatives, the fearful act of blood sucking that is connected to seduction, and our desire to be a passive and innocent victim.

Well, it wasn't Freud who said this, it was his homeboy Ernest Jones. He also said that we cover up our desire with the repulsive imagery surrounding the objects of our nightmares ... the dreamer can't be blamed for these images by her subconscious because she too finds them repulsive, but deep down ... totally! gets! off! on them.

I guess a lot of this explains the Twilight obsession.

I know things.

Toronto the grassy knoll.

This book rocked my world when I read it in the summer, and yesterday I stumbled upon the editors booth at Broken Pencil's Canzine fair. (I told the intern I wanted her to have my soul. Either that or have her job.) They are coming out with a new book in the middle of the month called The Edible City - Toronto Food from Farm to Fork. It's supposed to range from issues on third world poverty to bad restaurant service. Toronto is a city with a wacky cornicopia of cuisines, and they are testament to our awesomely varied population. Here is a scant review of whats to come: http://www.chbooks.com/catalogue/edible-city. I'll write a better one once I read it. LOLZ. Until then, though ... check out GreenTOpia and you will fall in if you dig Toronto in any shape or form.

Nothing tells of culture and environment quite like the fruits of its people.

We ARE what we eat, non ?